Why do I always do this?

So Will and I are pretty much happy. Yeah, we're getting married so that makes sense right? Well, sometimes I still wonder why do I always stay ill at him? For example, tonight we watched an hour and a half stupid zombie show and after it was done I asked to watch something else. When Will didn't seem to interested, I kinda snapped at him that we always watch what he wants to watch. All along, I could have come to the bedroom and watched whatever I wanted to watch on the TV that is actually mine instead of asking him to watch something I wanted to watch on his TV.  Really stupid huh? I wish I didn't pick fights with him... but I always seem to. Sigh... Easier said than done.

So yeah, I'm finally a nurse

So, I've been a "nurse" since June when I passed the NCLEX, but this has been the first week where I take patients on my own and for the first time I really feel like a nurse. I'm off of orientation... for the most part. We are still limited to the number of patients we can take at any one time, but I am responsible for patients throughout my shift. Is that crazy or what? It absolutely blows my mind... I mean 3 years ago, I didn't even know what a nursing assessment is, but now people leave their lives in my hands.... Haha, not really. My patients are not critical patients by any sense of the words. But it still amazes me that I am often the one responsible for providing a good portion of my patients' care and education. Our patient population requires tons of education... Many are moms for the first time and many are recovering from surgery. What if I miss something? Do I even know enough myself to truly give my patients all the knowledge that they need to recover and take good care of themselves? I don't think that I am 100% competent by any means, but I am certainly getting there. I've never been so proud of what I have accomplished. No, I am not as good as the nurses that I work with everyday, but I'll eventually get there and no, I'm not as good as many other new grad nurses have been when they first come out of school, but we've all got to start somewhere. To think where I was two years ago when I first got started in nursing and realizing where I am at today... Wow is all that I can say... I'm loving my job, my patients, my co-workers... the whole shebang.

So much on my mind....

So, in May I told all of my friends that I was pretty much at the most perfect place in my life and that I thought I could see nothing but happiness ahead. Well, for the most part, that's still true. However, I still find myself wishing things were different. Nothing too big, but just some smaller things.

For example, next Sunday, I come off of orientation and I am 100% responsible for my patients without someone checking behind me for various things. That scares the living crap out of me. However, at least I know that I have the personality that will ask questions before I just keep doing things without knowing for sure what it is exactly that I should do. Will I ever feel competent as a nurse? I'm not sure...

Secondly, I'm still ever so slightly depressed about losing Sandy, our Golden Retriever of 12 years, a few weeks ago. We got the new little guy that you see below, who is absolutely precious... but still. When I think about how I reacted to Sandy's death, it was much more intense than I ever thought I could react to the loss of an animal. When I look back though, there were a lot of things over this summer that I did not react appropriately too. I think all of my emotions just came out when Sandy died. I guess that's normal?

Speaking of the new little guy... His name is Dusty and he's about 9 weeks old in the picture. He's sooo cute. He's still got the awkwardness of a puppy and all the love that only a dog can share with you. I absolutely adore him. He's just what my parents needed to feel the void that Sandy left.

Finally, the one good thing that I can share is that the wedding planning makes me absolutely happy. I never imagined that it could be so much fun. At this point we have the following completed: the location of the ceremony and the reception, I have a dress, my bridesmaid dresses are picked out, we have designed our invitations (we just need to figure out what time the ceremony will be and we can go ahead and print those), and many of the smaller details are finally coming together. We also have picked out our photographer... Check her out: Andrea Wood. Also, we are thinking of using Katie Pietrowski for our engagement pictures and my bridal portraits. I honestly could not be more excited about all of the photo opportunities in the coming months. In addition, my friend Lorie Beth is going to do some engagement pictures with us and she'll also do some bridal portraits of me. How exciting is life? Seriously... I have so much to look forward to.

In the more near future, I am going to the State Fair this afternoon with Margaret. I have not been to the fair since I was in the 7th or 8th grade and I don't remember anything about it at all. Isn't that weird? I hate that I'm beginning to lose memory of some of the best days of my life... I can remember so vividly my high school and college years... but I have huge gaps of my middle school years at Hobgood.  I sure do miss those friends though.

A Heavy Heart

So, today my parents told me that our Golden Retriever was hit by a car last night and died on impact. He was twelve years old, so we all pretty much knew that in the next 2-3 years he would be leaving us anyways. To imagine him dying of old age was always hard because he has had so much energy throughout his entire life. Though he had arthritis and a bad leg, he always managed to seem so happy and full of energy-- especially when people were around. I don't know if it's because Will doesn't come to our house but so much, but he always seemed to be super excited to see Will.

So, tonight, my heart is heavy. In the past, I have heard people talk about losing pets. Though I felt for them, I never really imagined how it must feel. I guess I never really thought about before, but Sandy truly was a part of the family. Though he didn't sit at the dinner table with us or go on family vacations, he was a huge part of what made us, well.... us. I can't claim that Sandy was my "best friend" as people sometimes claim of their pets, but I can tell you that I think Sandy was one of the best companions my dad has ever had. Strange to think how an animal can grow to be a part of your family. We even shelled out hundreds of dollars earlier this year for surgery when we thought he had a cancerous tumor growing on his leg. (And my parents complained about shelling out money for my braces!!! :)) One of my favorite memories of Sandy was when we went to pick him up from the surgery... He was so doped up and goofy, but his eyes lit him when he saw me and my day and he used all the energy he could to greet us with lots of slobber and that big goofy grin of his.

With that being said, for awhile now,  I have wondered if my friends have thought Will and I are strange for loving our animals as we do. I have a friend that sits as the edge of the couch (so as to not get fur on her) whenever she comes over and always seems grossed out by our cats and often refers to them as "the cat" instead of calling them by name. Will and I however, love when Mittens and Rory snuggle with us and even let them sleep in the bed with us at night. The rabbits however, don't seem to have much of a personality, but we love them nonetheless. We once talked about getting rid of them because of their smell, but when it came down to it, we just love them too much. It's crazy, because she's dumb as dirt... but Flip Flops has an amazing way of knowing when I am upset. There have been several times when I have come home crying and laid in the middle of the floor and held her close to me. She always seems confused, but she never tries to get away.

I guess the point that I am getting at here is that we all make special bonds with our animals. Sandy was some kind of special to our family. He truly was a sweet, sweet dog that never knew a stranger. I'll always remember him as being happy, because he always was. So, tonight, with a heavy heart... I'll love the rest of my animals a little more.

Just an ordinary night at our house...

So... I'm sitting here beside Will as he makes masks for Halloween at Green Acres. He's so funny when he gets to working hard. He stays so focused. He's such a perfectionist. He worries over every little detail even though he knows people will not notice details as they walk through the cornfield and are scared. Nonetheless, it's adorable.

I love our simple life together and I love having him to come home to everyday. My life with him could not be any more perfect.

Will's Birthday

So, Will's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 26. I can remember a time when I couldn't imagine dating a 20 year old, much less a 26 year old. It seems like just yesterday that celebrations of birthday definitely included alcohol. Now dinner and going home to see the parents are the highlight. Wow, I'm getting old

Mom and I went shopping for bridesmaid dresses today. Amazing how much more difficult shopping for other people is than actually picking out my own dress. Started at David's Bridal simply because they are the cheapest. Found something that will work, but definitely not blown away. Then again, none of the dresses have really blown me away.

So excited to start taking engagement/bridal pictures here soon. Couldn't be more excited to have Lorie Beth shoot some pictures of us. Still deciding who else will do our engagement pictures. We really like Dana Jo Photography and Rach Lea Photography.... both within our price range. Let us know who you like best or if you have any other suggestions.

So Many Thoughts

Wow, has this week been an emotional one. I'm not entirely sure why.

A few of the exciting things:
I got to spend some time with one of my best friends, Margaret. Always awesome.

We finally chose a wedding photographer this week. She is amazing and I think that we knew all along that she was the one that we should use. Check her out: http://andrea-wood.com/blog/ or http://andreawood.zenfolio.com/ In addition, another one of my best friends, Lorie Beth started up a photography business this week. Though she is brand-spanking new, she is also AMAZING. She's definitely got me hooked for wanting to do engagements and bridals with her. And finally, MattK has gotten into photography over this last year, so he'll get some practice time doing some engagements and possibly bridal portraits with me. So basically, our cup runneth over with good photographers in our life.

To top that all off, Will has started getting back into photography, so check him out at http://will-greene.com He's offering 100% free sessions right now as he builds his portfolio... So what better time than now to get some portraits taken for the Christmas season or just because... Seriously people, you can't turn down FREE.

So the whole wedding planning thing always makes me super happy, but for the most part I feel as if people either feign interest or they just ignore me. Which, don't get me wrong, I completely understand. I remember some details of Lorie Beth's wedding I didn't really care about-- but part of that was because I was just really frustrated that Will had not yet proposed. I just get frustrated when no one other than my mom (and sometimes Will) really gives a flying crap. But, for the most part, I'm still incredibly happy that I have the chance to do some wedding planning...

The not so exciting feelings from this week:
So, I am basically done with 11 weeks of orientation at Wilson. Each day shows me that I still have so much to learn before I will be a good nurse. Most of the time I think I have the basic patient care stuff under my belt... but even then I wonder. It's always the small stuff that tends to get me-- dealing with pharmacy, knowing when to call the doctor, just dealing with patients and their families. I WANT to be a good nurse, more than anything. I just don't know if I ever will be. I love my patients and I LOVE my coworkers, but then again I don't know if I will ever feel as if I am part of the team. I YEARN to feel like part of the team. Am I too quiet? Am I too much? Am I just too weird? I'm not entirely sure, but I sure do hope that I figure all of this stuff out before it is too late. Someone once told me "As long as your patients are still alive at the end of the day, you have done your job" I don't just want to keep them alive, I want to do everything that I can to make them better. So yes, I have not only kept my patients alive but I have at least kept their conditions stable, but sometimes I wonder if it will take me years before I can truly do good things for my patients. I only hope that I don't lose this passion I have for my job before I learn to be an excellent nurse. I have seen so many nurses lose that passion-- but then again things seem to be different at Wilson... the staff tends to enjoy their jobs more.

And finally, this week I learned that it's never a good idea to keep secrets.  Someone always gets hurt. That's all I can say on that matter.

Another Day Off

So after spending this morning being lazy, I need to figure out what I can do to be productive today.... Hmmm... Any ideas?

I need to figure out how to add pictures up here. We had lots of excellent pictures from our trip to the mountains last week.

Crafting and Mexican

Sooo, today ended up being a perfect day off of work. Last week, we went on vacation and then I proceeded to work the next four out of five days. Needless to say, I was in need of some rest. I slept in and then Margaret came over. We worked on some crafts (card-making) before going to eat Mexican food with Will. All in all, today was pretty much just what I needed.

I also have tomorrow off and I have full intentions of getting some things done for my wedding planning. On the agenda: bridesmaid dresses. I really need to choose. This had turned out to be harder to do than picking out my wedding dress. I want to find something that everyone will like but that isn't too costly either. With my dress I felt as if I had only one person to please: myself. Speaking of which, my dress came in a few weeks ago and I am absolutely in love with it. Now, I have to figure out accessories: shoes, tiara, veil, jewelry, etc.

First Time Blogger

So, this is the first time that I have ever actually blogged. Before I left for my semester abroad almost 3 years ago, I always thought that I would blog while in England. However, life got busy and I got too caught up living life and enjoying the new people and experiences that I was surrounded by. Over the past few  months, I have spent so much time planning and researching all things wedding that I have come across several blogs that I have enjoyed reading. So, here I am with a blog and feeling as if I have nothing in the world interesting to write about.